It’s been 70 days since I handed in my Master Thesis, with this act finally finishing my university path. I got my (very good) note since, had confusing, nice, stupid, unreasonable and inspiring little jobs. Many thoughts, challenging thoughts.
Now, the road is clear, no more university “to dos”, nor nervous waitings of exams, essays to write, presentations to prepare. Now I can do all the postponed beautiful things, photographic adventures can begin, travel trips can be taken without planing. At least that’s what I though. I’m free to do what I want.. Am I?
Yet more than ever I’d like to be 70 right now, be a grandma’ and have a grandchild sitting on my lap. To read them children books which I read or always wanted to read, knit colorfull mittens and christmas treats, bake brownies every sunday. Somehow especially now I’d like to have all my decisions done, children grown up, challenges taken, risks being somewhere in the past. All the responsibilities for life, somewhat purpose of my existence already been fulfilled.
Right now, in my age of twenty eight, I feel the need of a family close to me more than ever, the urge to have this strong fundament beneath me, to have a pillow in case I fall, to have a couch I can fall into when I want to cry, a grandma’ to make a pot of tee telling all the same stories over and over again.
This is a risky time, tricky time, one of the most terrible years I’ve even heard from some. The overwhelming confusion of how where when. Everything I do now will probably decide so many of my future steps. How can you not get a bit dizzy thinking like that?
Well, I’m most glad I have a mother strong as a rock, cheerful as a purple golden yellow most beautiful flower. Always ready, always with the best words, best understanding and patience. Holding me even virtually on Skype when needed, for hours. Even reading me books, on the same old Skype session.
Happy Mothers day twice dearest. Happy end and happy beginnings. Happy safety pillows in life.
PS: Photos series ‘Cecilia’, self-portraits inspired by a certain book i read right now. Hint - Cecilia Lisbon.